Lizardbeth's Tale

First off, I cannot apologize for the lateness of this -- no excuses, I just didn't get to it immediately, then I kept having other stuff, and I didn't want to rush it, and... Yeah, no good reasons.

But I've read it now, and it makes me so happy! You do a wonderful job of playing out the tension between them, Jeremiah's mixed admiration and frustration, Markus's annoyance and dependence. And the end is just wonderful; it's like a shift has occurred in their relationship, making it all stronger. Markus is the only kind of man Jeremiah will follow, and Jeremiah is exactly the kind of man Markus needs at his back.

I love that you capture the recurring teasing and bickering between them, too. *g*

"That's half our problem with Daniel. He's been so carefully constructed to be so damn perfect, people want to believe. When their faith gets challenged, some people grow disillusioned like your new friend John, but some will cling harder and more fiercely to what they want to believe is true."

This is really insightful, and hard to hear, but it's believable that Markus would have thought ahead about this, know that it wasn't going to be that easy.
He's an idealist, but also a pragmatist.

But all Jeremiah saw was determination, and it let him inhale a deep breath and release it a little at a time as he walked. Maybe everything was going to be okay after all.

I *love* that Markus's resolve gives Jeremiah what he needs to relax a little -- that *belief* in Markus, even if Jeremiah would deny it. *g*

I was *not* happy you killed Gina! *snf* I love noble Markus, trying to spare/save Jeremiah -- who's having none of it.

"You want everybody to be like you, and they're not. People are petty and mean and selfish. They look out for number one, and you -- well, you don't. And that's why you got your head bashed in, and I'm stuck here with you."

That's *so* Jeremiah, poor guy -- done in by the very thing he admires, that drives him CRAZY.

I love this moment, too: "Would you do what I want, just once, without bitching?" Markus flared, sounding frustrated and tired. "I don't want anyone else dying for me!"

I really like how you work into Markus's thoughts about Meaghan, and contrast the Markus/Meaghan with Jeremiah/Libby -- which would be worse, to never be able to touch at all, or to believe that it was all a lie, even if you were happy at the time?

This about killed me: Jeremiah shrugged. It did sound ridiculous when Markus put it like that. "Well, you're the one who had the girlfriend in a plastic box, man. How was I supposed to think anything else?"

But you showed perfectly that it was out of place within the context, funny as it was, with Markus's reaction: "I still dream about her," he murmured. "Touching her, being with her. And every single time she jumps anyway."

That just hurts. And I like the glimpse into his past, showing Jeremiah a Markus he's never known. I love that he wants to take Markus skiing! Even though I wonder if he's ever been himself. *g*

Jeremiah developed an awareness of his breathing and rhythm of his step, and whenever either began to falter, he called a halt to their hike, even when Markus objected he was fine.

You do a great job of slowly building up the sense of a growing awareness on Jeremiah's part, without ever carrying it too far, within their circumstances.

"I don't know... I feel like I'm on the same path Daniel is, only a few steps behind..."

Oh, man, I never thought that Markus could think like this, that he wouldn't see, as Jeremiah does, "...that's because we know you're not in it for yourself." But it makes perfect sense; he's always so hard on himself.

(continued in part two)